margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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