I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
