Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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