...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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