You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize