omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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