sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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