if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
