so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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