Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
