woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
