I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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