suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
