We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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