even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
