i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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