i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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