2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
