at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
