My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
