hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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