You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My balls are so social today.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
