She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
