Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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