don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
