I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
