I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
