I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
