I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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