Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
