Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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