So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
