dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
