I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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