6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
