wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
