I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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