My balls are so social today.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
