do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
