I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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