now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
