I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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