My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The uberlube is also flammable
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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