How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
