I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
