i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were trust falling into bushes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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