haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
