remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
