i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
