How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What a dumb baby whore.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
