I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
