This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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