who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
