I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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