ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
barbara walters just said penis...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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