Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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