u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
