I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
