It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
