What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
