This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
