By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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