I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
