the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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