I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
