I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize