yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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